An economist might call this “diminishing marginal utility.” Over time, this pattern made me lose faith in the practice. In hindsight, though, it wasn’t yoga that was failing me—it was how I was practicing.
What I’ve discovered in recent years is that lasting happiness is possible through yoga, but it requires a shift in how we engage with our practice and our lives. Below is a practical guide, based on my own experience, for reconnecting with that deeper sense of fulfillment.
1. Reflect on What You Could Do Forever
Start by making two lists:
- One of all the things you could continue doing happily for the rest of your life.
- Another of the things you currently spend significant time on but couldn’t imagine doing forever.
When I did this, my “forever” list was surprisingly short: a few friendships, my yoga practice, improving as a leader, becoming healthier, and deepening my service to humanity.
The things not on my list were telling—my romantic relationship, my job (despite good pay), and even the place I lived. The thought of continuing those made me feel uneasy, yet almost all of my time and energy were going toward them. This, I realized, was the root of my unhappiness.
It wasn’t about what I was doing—it was about how I was doing it. Some days, I could spend hours designing and feel fulfilled; other days, it felt like swallowing a hand grenade. The difference was presence. When I gave my body and attention to the moment, even difficult work felt meaningful. It’s not always necessary to leave the job or the relationship—sometimes it’s about changing how we show up in it.
2. Practice in a Way You Could Sustain Forever
Here’s a true secret of yoga and meditation: what you experience in your practice is a microcosm of your life.
If you find it hard to stay in a pose, you probably find it hard to stay in difficult situations. If you rush from pose to pose, chances are you rush through other moments of your life too.
Traditional yoga in India is practiced slowly, with great depth and stillness. Western yoga, on the other hand, often moves quickly—perhaps necessarily so, or no one would attend a class holding poses for ten minutes. But the result is that we train our minds and bodies to crave motion rather than presence.
Try approaching your asana or pranayama so that you could maintain it for a very long time. This shift teaches your nervous system comfort and patience. The longer you can rest within stillness, the more easily you’ll find peace in relationships, work, and daily challenges.
3. Moderate the Quick Bursts of Pleasure
There’s nothing inherently wrong with things that give us pleasure—sugar, sex, plant medicine, stimulation. The issue arises when they dominate our nervous system and rewire our brain.
The way we do one thing is the way we do everything. If we constantly seek instant pleasure, we’re training our minds to crave constant stimulation. This makes it harder to attune to the quieter, steadier forms of happiness that yoga reveals.
The key isn’t abstinence—it’s mindfulness. Move slowly into any heightened experience. Whether it’s food, intimacy, or any sensory indulgence, give yourself time to enter and exit the experience consciously. This allows integration rather than addiction.
This principle forms the foundation of Tantra—to bring awareness to pleasure rather than be consumed by it. Notice how each experience affects your body and consciousness in the days and weeks afterward. This awareness alone can transform your relationship to pleasure and deepen your capacity for sustained joy.
4. Accept a Teacher or Mentor
If you’re fiercely independent like me, this one might be the hardest. For years, I resisted mentorship because I valued freedom above all else. What I didn’t realize is that rejecting guidance was just another form of dependence—on my own limited perspective.
Recognizing that your ideas, beliefs, and patterns all come from others before you is humbling and liberating. You can choose which ones to keep and which to release, consciously.
In India, this is the purpose of the guru—not as a figure to worship, but as one who lives in service to truth. A guru is an example of groundedness and joy, showing others how to live in alignment. While the term may not translate perfectly in the West, the essence remains: we all need someone who can reflect our blind spots and remind us what’s possible.
Finding the Eternal Within the Changing
Yes, finding lasting happiness in this world can feel impossible at times—but it is possible when we set it as a true intention.
Focus your time and energy on the few things that endure: practices, people, and values that you could continue forever. Listen for the quiet whispers of truth beneath the noise of stimulation. They are subtle but always present.
Keep looking—you will not be disappointed. No journey in this life is more rewarding.
